Today I decided to check out a new blog. One that I have heard about but never ventured to before: http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/ and watched this video:
Have I ever mentioned I am an emotional person?? I cried.
Now I have obviously never been through what this lady has been through but I did find myself remembering a couple things I needed to overcome. First I had to overcome (perhaps I shouldn't say overcome, instead maybe get myself to a better place because I still find myself struggling with this at times) loving myself no matter what my body looks like and Second, a food addiction.
The reason I put food addiction second is because I overcame that one once I got myself to a better place with the first one.
Okay some history: I loved eating and I never struggled with weight. Well that is until I moved out of the home. While I was in high school I ate a lot but I ran X-country and Track. When I moved out of the home, I stopped running consistently but I kept eating....a lot....consistently and I started gaining weight.
I was devastated with myself and for some reason I could not stop eating large portions even though I told myself over and over I wouldn't do it anymore (sometimes after finishing off a batch of cookie dough all by myself).
Day after day I would get down on my knees and pray for help overcoming this. As time went by I decided to join weight watchers. I lost some weight and I felt good about myself but then I would hit a plato (not sure how to spell the word but hopefully you know what I mean) or feel tired of counting calories/points and I would decide to take some time off. Frankly, I found that weight watchers made my food addiction worse. It had caused me to think about food all day long. Also while on weight watchers I still found myself at social gatherings and instead of enjoying people I was thinking about the plate of cookies on the counter and wondering why no one was eating them!!! So yes, weight watchers helped a little but it did not fix the problem at all.
I kept praying.
One day while I was at home I asked my Dad for a priesthood blessing. In it my health was blessed. I didn't really know what that meant but I was happy about it.
When I returned back to school I realized I had stopped comparing my body to other bodies. It was weird. I had been finding joy in others when they had a weight problem and I hated (well not hated but felt jealous towards) the people with bodies that I desired. For some reason, I stopped paying attention to what people looked like. I also went to social gatherings and stopped worrying about the dessert plate, in fact it didn't even cross my mind that there were a pile of brownies sitting to my left.
I would start eating dinner and instead of thinking about, "okay this is my last bite, okay now really this is my last bite, alright I need thirds..." I was thinking instead about things completely different than food and I didn't finish what was on my first plate because I felt satisfied.
The Lord had heard my prayers and helped me. He not only blessed me with the power to overcome my food addiction, but He also blessed me to love my body no matter what. I was happy with myself finally and since I was happy with myself, I stopped caring about food. These 2 things go hand in hand. The Lord healed my mind and I feel the difference from this blessing.
The weight or burden came off in two places: self worth and pounds. I am still learning to love my body. I also fluctuate and at times I am heavier than other times, but as Stephanie Nielson put it on her blog, NieNie Dialogues, "I am Stephanie Nielson, and I am not my body."
Thanks to my Heavenly Father, today I can say, "I am Becky Joy Cook and I am not my body."